We’ve been here in metro DC for a little over a week, and we’re all settling in pretty nicely. Yes, all, including Lissy Lou! The first few days in our new place were awful–she cried a lot and neither of us humans got much sleep. However, since she got used to this apartment being her new home, she’s acted like she likes it even more than our old place. She actually gets up on the couch and the bed, which was rare before, and after looking suspiciously at her new cat tree for a couple of days, now she spends most of her time on it.
My anxiety has been better these last few days, and my depression has been worse. I think the decreased anxiety can be linked to the fact that I’ve been off work since Friday afternoon (not being on the front lines anymore definitely has its perks) and don’t go back until Wednesday. I worked for my in-laws the last two Saturdays, which has been nice because I feel like a) I can be helpful because I understand how pretty much everything in the office works and b) between my anxiety being more under control and the fact that it’s usually a much lower-pressure situation than retail, it’s actually a lot of fun most of the time. Also OMG CUTE PUPPIES AND KITTENS.
Anxiety-ridden past me would be freaking out right now. Everything is going so well that, back before I started treatment for my anxiety disorder, I would have been in a constant panic, waiting for everything to turn upside down.
I won’t deny that I still worry a little, but I’m really enjoying life right now for a lot of reasons.
If you know me in real life or you’ve followed this blog for any real length of time, you probably know that I’m constantly on a mission of self-improvement, especially physical self-improvement. I think a lot of that stems from the period of my life when I weighed over 180 pounds and cared little for my personal appearance.
This week has been a breeze compared to the last couple–well, for me anyway. Dallas is giving a lecture tomorrow that I’m not sure he’s so psyched up about, but I know he’ll be just fine. Time’s going to start going by pretty fast after this, I think; he’s going to Jerusalem at the end of the month, and most importantly, he will be home one month from tomorrow! We’ve spent a lot of our relationship long-distance, so it’s amazing to see the light at the end of the tunnel knowing this is the last long separation we’ll have to endure and it’s almost over.
After basically giving it up all winter in favor of making like a squirrel and bulking up against the cold temperatures (what cold temperatures? though I guess I used everybody else’s complaints about the cold as my excuse), I started keeping a food and exercise diary again recently.
I’ve really kind of let myself go lately, and that’s pretty sad. I’ve slipped back into some bad eating habits and I’m not getting the kind of exercise I should. It’s not even regular exercise I’m talking about, either: not only am I not getting out and running, or doing things like sit-ups and push-ups at home, it seems like I get up and move in general less and less these days, and it’s starting to have a pretty negative effect on the way I look and feel.
To some extent, I’ve had a problem with stress eating since I was in high school, but it got considerably worse in college and peaked during my first semester of graduate school. I put on about 40-45 pounds in just a couple of years, until one day I kind of woke up and realized that I was over 180 pounds and I was slowly killing myself. And then I lost that weight in the unhealthiest way possible: I just didn’t eat.
I have put a little weight back on. I feel like if I stick around 125-130, I’m probably doing all right. I hovered around 140 in high school and I looked a little pudgy. I had one last growth spurt as I was just starting college and grew almost a whole inch.
For motivation (and because it was kind of necessary, given my others don’t fit), I just bought a new swimsuit. Here’s hoping the desire to look awesome in it overrules my desire to eat everything in sight.
I’ve started and saved so many post drafts lately, because I get fired up and write hundreds of words, and then decide it’s something I don’t feel like posting. My life is pretty boring! But for those of you just checking up on me to make sure I’m still alive, here we go.