Fighting tooth and nail

I haven’t had the time or energy to even think about blogging lately.  Life has been a blur of work to home to work to home to work, and most of the time I’ve been home has been spent sleeping or otherwise being sluggish.

Last weekend we moved to a new place, a very nice apartment that’s less than a ten minute bus ride from work (compare to nearly two hours on two trains and two buses from our old apartment to my job).  The great thing is that it didn’t substantially change Dallas’ commute–his bus ride now is a little longer than at our old place, but he’ll be riding a train line that runs more often and even at peak fare he’ll pay less to get to/from work than he used to.

My mental health, unfortunately, has substantially deteriorated in the last couple of months.  It’s felt like my antidepressant wasn’t working at all anymore, but I kept taking it to avoid withdrawal symptoms until I could see my psychiatrist, which finally happened yesterday.  Now I’m on an even higher dose of my antidepressant (duloxetine, more widely known as Cymbalta), as well as a very small dose of another antidepressant/mild sedative (trazodone) to help combat the sudden-onset irritability/anger/extreme feelings of depression I frequently get while under stress.  If this doesn’t work in the next month or two, it’s on to the next idea.

I’ve also been in therapy, which has been surprisingly helpful.  I had one fairly unhelpful therapy session back when we lived in Georgia, which kind of put me off it for a while.  I really lucked out up here with my therapist, Jamie–she’s so easy to talk to and has had a lot of helpful suggestions for me.  As weird as it sounds, I actually look forward to therapy, because it actually feels like it’s helping.

Honestly, I don’t really have anything else interesting to share, because I don’t do anything but work and come home.  Now that we’re close to where I work and also close to a relatively large suburb of DC with an actual downtown area, I’m hoping to be able to get out and do more.  My therapist suggested trying yoga and/or meditation, since mindfulness is one strategy I’m using to help control my anxiety and help myself fall asleep at night, so I might try a couple of yoga classes since there are a bunch of studios close by.  I’ve tried to follow yoga DVDs and YouTube videos at home, but I’ve been worried about injuring myself because 1) no idea what I’m doing and 2) hypermobility (just because I can bend that far doesn’t mean I should, etc.).  Taking a few classes with someone who would be able to help me correct improper body mechanics would probably be better than me just pushing myself too hard with no guidance at home.

It’s great to be able to see a way out of the darkness after feeling stuck in it for so long.  There’s no way of knowing right now if my new medication regimen will make a difference, or if it’s time to move on to what’s probably Plan E or F in my mental health journey.  One thing is for sure, though: I have a lot more hope than I did even a couple of weeks ago that things are going to turn out to be okay.


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