Hold it together

My anxiety is still out of control.  I’m having tremendous difficulty managing to do normal-people things.  Today we had a technician installing cable and one of the apartment complex maintenance guys working on a couple of things in our bathroom at the exact same time.  I was already all peopled out from being at work, so I hid in our walk-in closet with a Starbucks cup full of iced coffee and my phone for an hour or so.  I’m not even kidding.  It felt like the safest and most secure place to be.

When I got home from work this morning, our apartment didn’t have any water, so that was fun.  I could barely stay awake because I was up at about 4 this morning and then busted my ass at work–when corporate is telling your boss he needs to cut hours, you try to get as much done as possible, not only because you have to, but because you have to hope when there are more hours to give, you’ll get some of them.  It’s paying off: while my boss has no wiggle room as far as hours to give this week, there’s a day next week that he may be able to give me a long shift instead of the three hours I’m currently scheduled.  Plus it’s a great workout…at one point today, the activity tracker app on my phone actually thought I was running because I was moving so fast.

Anyway, I feel kind of bad that we’re getting married over one of the big back-to-school shopping weekends, so I won’t be there to work, but I’m sure I’ll get roped into customer service on tax-free weekend.  I have my fingers crossed that I’ll be doing replenishment and recovery that weekend, but if they’ll give me hours (enough to keep me in Benadryl for the stress hives and caffeine to counteract the Benadryl), I’ll gladly jump on a register.

Speaking of the stress hives, it’s been almost a whole day since anything unusual has happened.  My arms, hands, face, and back itch intermittently, but it’s not a whole-body thing, at least not all at once.  I’d say today is a wash as far as trying to keep myself from being stressed, but there’s always tomorrow, and I even have the day off.  Dallas and I are planning to go and get haircuts.  I don’t want to do anything too drastic with our wedding so close, but my hair is so hideously uneven that I can’t even wear it down.  It’s literally half an inch longer on one side.

I’ve run into some family issues surrounding our wedding.  I’m not going to write any specifics here, but it was a stressful night last night and it continued on into this morning.  I was hoping there wouldn’t be any drama, but lo and behold, there is.  I’d be absolutely thrilled if this was the only thing that went wrong, but we still have eleven days until the wedding, so I’m not optimistic.  Dallas has been ridiculously supportive throughout all of this, even though I’ve asked him a thousand times if he’s sure he wants to marry into this family.


As far as the last few wedding things go, I gave the final head count to the caterer today and paid the rest of what we owed her.  Dallas got in touch with our officiant to discuss the ceremony itself.  I think tomorrow we’ll get everything we need to make our birdseed favors and maybe I’ll get to work on those this weekend (I have the entire weekend off work, which is insane–I usually do pricing on Sunday mornings, and I can’t remember the last time I had two days off in a row when we weren’t traveling someplace).  Late next week we’ll be picking up some little gifts for family members who are traveling in from out of state (my grandparents love the peach bread from Lane’s Orchard in Fort Valley, for instance, which also gives us a handy excuse to stop in and visit his parents–and all the animals–at the clinic).  It’s all coming together, and most importantly, I get to marry the man of my dreams, after all this time.

He made me dinner last night–linguine with tomato-basil sauce and garlic bread.  And he washed the dishes.  Wouldn’t let me lift a finger to do anything except eat my dinner, and it was delicious.  How did I get so lucky?!


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