Try, fail, try again

If you know me in real life or you’ve followed this blog for any real length of time, you probably know that I’m constantly on a mission of self-improvement, especially physical self-improvement.  I think a lot of that stems from the period of my life when I weighed over 180 pounds and cared little for my personal appearance.

I briefly mentioned in this post that I’m not eating as well as I should be, or as well as I was for a long time.  As a result, I’m currently 5-7 pounds above the weight I’m most comfortable with, and about 12 pounds over where I’d really like to be.  It doesn’t sound like a lot, but keep in mind that I’m 5’3″ and have had a lot of difficulty losing weight in a healthy way in the past.  Even worse, the extra weight has become noticeable to me when I look in the mirror, which I’m definitely not okay with.

I’m getting more exercise thanks to my second job, but I’m definitely not eating right.  I’m consuming way too much caffeine, especially when I have a late-night shift (tonight, for example, I’m not scheduled to get out until 11:30, which is about an hour past my preferred bedtime).  When I have a closing shift, I typically don’t get home until after my in-laws have gone to bed, so I don’t want to make a lot of noise in the kitchen when I get home.  Our refrigerator and freezer space is definitely at a premium, so it’s hard for me to make things on my days off that I can just pop in the microwave.  A lot of it is psychological, too: I find myself frequently justifying some of my poor food choices with “I worked really hard today, I deserve this” or something similar.

I have to do better.  Have to do much better.  Dallas and I are getting married in 225 days, then we’re most likely honeymooning on the beach, and the abs I worked so hard for are currently hiding under a pile of cookies, Chex mix, and regret.  Besides, I know that just eating whatever the hell I want is not helping Dallas on his weight loss journey.  I’m not helping him much by cheering him on while I sit on my butt eating junk food.

Hopefully the two of us can get into a healthier mindset. We both have a long way to go.  The next few weeks won’t be easy–I’m working a ton, Christmas is a rather fattening time of year, and then we’ll be in London and unable to cook our own meals for the better part of a week–but hopefully we can get started and then really kick things into gear when we get back to the US.


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