I’ve been working on a lot of big-picture behind-the-scenes wedding planning things (with Dallas’ help and input, of course–I don’t believe in this whole “the wedding is the bride’s day” business, it’s just as much the groom’s day!). It’s been difficult and stressful. At the heart of the matter is that Dallas and I are both guilty of trying to find compromises to make everybody else as happy as we can–the flip side to that is, of course, that we haven’t been happy with what we’ve been trying to plan so far.
We’ve now thought out two plans in great detail and then pretty much thrown them out the window. Getting married over the weekend Dallas gets his PhD would be logistically almost impossible–PhD graduation is the night before all the other graduations, so getting a hotel room would be more expensive, traffic would be a nightmare, and we’d probably end up eating pizza the whole weekend because every restaurant in town would be packed.
Then we discussed getting married somewhere near where all of my family lives in Michigan, about a year before Dallas gets his PhD. It became clear to us that this plan would also be very difficult to execute, due to finances and logistics. In addition, we’ve had some disagreements with various members of my family about how we want to go about things. It seems to me like this would be more stress than either of us wants to deal with. It’s not something either one of us wants to try to handle. There’s no point in us investing the time and money into a wedding day that’s just going to make us both feel stressed out and unhappy.
We’ve concluded that there’s no way to make everybody happy, and I keep thinking back to my dad’s advice, the day I told him we were engaged: “Go on a cruise, get married on the ship.” We’re not going to do that, specifically, but I think that it would be all right for us to be a little selfish here, and have the little low-stress wedding we both want. Neither one of us wanted anything big and fancy and expensive.
There’s a pretty good chance that I’ll get a cute little white dress I can wear again, he’ll wear a nice shirt, and we’ll go get married on a beach on Tybee Island, with just a few people there. We haven’t even talked too much about when just yet; when we were talking about getting married in Michigan it would have been in the summer of 2015 but I am certainly not opposed to getting married sooner. (Kind of depends on where we are and what we’re doing!) Then if one or both of our families wants to have some kind of big get-together later, we won’t have to worry about getting the legal part right, because it’ll already be done. I think the hardest part of coming to this conclusion, for me at least, was the knowledge that we can’t make everybody happy all at once.